I want to be that special someone for someone who can be that special someone for me. i dont want to hurt you or me or anyone inbetween. i distrust your taste in friends and pasttimes of times gone by and suspect this will end up burning somebody badly…

I’m sorry Sam, we’ve got to wait this thing out. You are a fun friend, and I value our friendship. Neither of us are ready. I am not ready. You are not ready. We are not ready. I can’t do that to you or myself, yet again.

Maybe when all’s said and done and all the smoke clears we’ll be the next step, but in the meantime, we’re not ready yet. And i do not pretend to know the future.

Good Mark, I’ve figured it out. Atleast a degree more it would seem. We didnt work out for threehundred and four reasons but the primary one being:

We weren’t ready either. I wasnt ready, you weren’t ready. We weren’t ready by any means.

But most of all I wasn’t even ready to be myself. How could that have ever worked out? It’s funny but, I have this wierd thing, this wierd feeling, this cruel voice that says, “who are you kidding? you aren’t who you pretend to be.”

but reality calls, asks to come by, and when she does she takes out the trash with glee. The reality is we are what we repeatedly do. the reality is, we decide who we’ll be. the reality is, i’m both of these me’s, the reality is, one of those me’s only happens with you.

you inspire me to be the me i prefer, but the me that comes out when you’re near so far has been a me I dislike, far removed from the me I know I can be. 

As of late, in my world, the world that I’ve built in your absence, I find I am effortlessly achieving the me that is the me I’ve always imagined I was and I’d be. Maybe one day, the hurt can heal, the pain can dissipate, and I can share with you all of these things and finally we could finally get this friendship thing straight.

I recently had a deep and intense conversation with a friend of mine who happens to be an atheist currently struggling with patience and compassion towards herself and the people around her. I was attempting to articulate to her how to cultivate compassion in your life and why it’s so incredibly worthwhile. I was successful enough to have planted a seed in the open palm of her heart, but I would like to do more.

As few of you know, I am on an intensely-focused spiritual quest right now and this is most likely why this conversation arose, and I stumbled across the following, today. Part of the reason it resonates so deeply with me is that while relayed to us by a practitioner of Buddhism it is in no way less applicable to any other person on the face of the planet, be you an atheist or holy-book follower.

http://www.bodhicitta.net/compassion%20and%20the%20individual.htm

http://www.bodhicitta.net/loving%20kindness%20meditation.htm

The first link beautifully illustrates why genuine-compassion is logical, infinitely beneficial/necessary in life and deliciously simple to achieve with an ounce of determination.

The second link is an excellent 15minute meditative exercise to pursue the development of a steady sense of loving-kindness towards self, friends, family, animals, the earth and even (dunt-dun-dun…) “enemies.”

While always pursuing this state of mind, I have definitely not yet been able to achieve it in a permanent state. Just yesterday I was telling my beautiful companion, Liz, that I wanted to begin meditating on compassion towards my “enemies,” and then I found this article by “accident” today. It sounds like an excellent plan. Would anyone care to join me? =)

I hope all is known to be well in all of your lives and the lives of those around you and around them and around them and….