Why Not…

I want to be that special someone for someone who can be that special someone for me. i dont want to hurt you or me or anyone inbetween. i distrust your taste in friends and pasttimes of times gone by and suspect this will end up burning somebody badly…

Gettin shit straight…

I’m sorry Sam, we’ve got to wait this thing out. You are a fun friend, and I value our friendship. Neither of us are ready. I am not ready. You are not ready. We are not ready. I can’t do that to you or myself, yet again.

Maybe when all’s said and done and all the smoke clears we’ll be the next step, but in the meantime, we’re not ready yet. And i do not pretend to know the future.

Good Mark, I’ve figured it out. Atleast a degree more it would seem. We didnt work out for threehundred and four reasons but the primary one being:

We weren’t ready either. I wasnt ready, you weren’t ready. We weren’t ready by any means.

But most of all I wasn’t even ready to be myself. How could that have ever worked out? It’s funny but, I have this wierd thing, this wierd feeling, this cruel voice that says, “who are you kidding? you aren’t who you pretend to be.”

but reality calls, asks to come by, and when she does she takes out the trash with glee. The reality is we are what we repeatedly do. the reality is, we decide who we’ll be. the reality is, i’m both of these me’s, the reality is, one of those me’s only happens with you.

you inspire me to be the me i prefer, but the me that comes out when you’re near so far has been a me I dislike, far removed from the me I know I can be. 

As of late, in my world, the world that I’ve built in your absence, I find I am effortlessly achieving the me that is the me I’ve always imagined I was and I’d be. Maybe one day, the hurt can heal, the pain can dissipate, and I can share with you all of these things and finally we could finally get this friendship thing straight.